Am I Still Your Friend?

            She is so kind person that every students in my class like to be her friend. I also like to her friend. Actually, we are a close friend. But it will not be like as in the past that she and I were always together in a situation when we discussed lesson and hanged out together, and also chatted each other.

            Our friendship has been changed. It is because of my mistake which make her very disappointed with me. I has hurt her. One day, on Thursday, we actually have essay writing class, but at that time we do not have the class because a lecturer can not teach us. All of the students have received the information about having no any the class by a message, included me, except her. She is very disappointed with me because I do not tell her about the information. Therefore she come to the class. She has waited for the class starts and all of my friends. But in fact, no one who comes to the class unless her. Perhaps, it makes her alone there. Because of that, she is really angry with me.

            In the evening, she sends me a message that she tells me about her disappointment because I do not inform her about there is no essay writing class. I reply her message saying very sorry to her about my mistake. I do apologize to her and tell her that I really forget to forward the message no essay writing class to her. But there is no response from her. I send her again but still no her response and she makes my tears fall down getting wet on my cheeks. I hope she will reply my message but she keep on silent.

            I was just aware why she was so silent yesterday in the class. It was like that she did not want to talk to me. When I greeted her, she did not reply my greeting. She kept on silent and ignored me. On her face showed that she was so angry with me.

            One day later, I come to the class before her. In a few minutes later, I see her come in to the class, and she takes a seat in front of me. Then I come to her standing in front of her, and say really sorry to her. She ignores me. Even she asks me to get away from her. I will not, because I can not go without her forgiveness. But she still forces me getting away from her.  Then, I directly hug her hardly while keep on my saying sorry to her. She catches my hugging. It makes me crying. I cry in her hugging. At that time, I really feel that I love her very much. I do regret making her disappointed, in hurt, and angry with me. I do not want between us being enemy each other, after what nice moment with her I have, I want us make a friend anymore as before. Finally, she forgives me. It makes me happy. We leave out our hugging each other.

            Two days later, I feel that she keeps on away from me. She looks like considering me as a stranger. Even though we have apologized each other, we are not close friend anymore as before. She used to greet me when she meet me in everywhere. Sometimes, she hugs me when we meet each other. Sometimes, we chat each other for a long time. But now she looks like keeping on away from me. She talks to me when I am near her even she ignores me. She does not greet me when we meet each other, not hug and make a joke each other anymore. Now she moves on other friends. It is like that I am not her close friend again anymore. I don’t know why she behaves so. I realize that I am wrong. I have appologized to her and she has also forgiven me. But why she ignores me, not reply my greet and not talk to me.

 I beg you please forgive me. I am so sorry my beloved friend.

what happen to me??? Hopeless

Sempet kaget aku, ternyata dia ngebaca blog ku. Dan gak kusangka pula, dia ng'message aku. Dan tak kusangka jua, messagenya dia, bener2 ngebuat aku galau, hopeless, dan gag karuan wes pokoknya. Sesungguhnya bukan kata2 itu yang aku harapkan darimu. tapi aku sungguh mengharapkan, kalau kamu itu berusaha buat ngejaga perasaanmu itu ke aku,kalau kamu mau berusaha untuk jadi yang terbaik buat aku, bukan putus asa kayak gini. tapi percuma, aku dah berusaha untuk tetap menyayangimu, tapi aku hopeless dengan pesanmu itu. Manusia hanya bisa berusaha, dan yang menentukan adalah Allah swt. tapi aku yakin gag akan ada yang namanya usaha kita sia-sia, pasti kita akan dapat imbalannya dari Yang maha kuasa atas usaha kita. Jadi gag ada yang tahu jodoh apa gak, kita sebagai manusia hanya bisa berikhtiar, berdoa, utk kebaikan kita sendiri. Tapi aku bener2 hopeless atas semua perkataanmu.
#gag thu dah apa yang harus aku lakukan... tak kusangka air mata ini menetes tiba2. karena aku merasa gagal untuk berusha memberi semangat dan pengertian kpda dia, untuk berusaha mnjdi lebih baik.

Loe Gue End

Sudah 5 hari aku tak membalas smsnya dia. Aku masih pengen sendiri, aku gak pengen sms dia dulu. Aku masih memikirkan mimpi itu dimana aku harus mengakhirinya. Hari jum’at, aku sms dia. Aku memang berencana untuk membalasnya pada hari jum’at, karena hari jum’at adalah hari yang paling baik diantara hari-hari lainnya. Aku begitu merindukannya, maka aku sms dia, aku tanyak kabar dia. Aku piker dia gak akan bales sms ku, ternyata dia masih membalas sms ku ^__^.

Aku menanyakan pendapat dia tentang pacaran. Dan dia menjawab…bla..bla..bla..bla. aku puas dengan jawabannya. Setelah itu, aku memberanikan diri untuk mengatakan keinginanku yang sebenarnya aku ingin menceritakan kemarin-kemarin. Tapi aku masih belum siap melepaskan dia. Dan akhirnya aku mengatakan sejujurnya bahwa aku ingin putus darinya. Aku bukan bermaksud mempermainkan perasaan dia, alasanku putus karena aku gak ingin cinta kita berdua itu ternodai, aku ingin cinta kita berdua itu suci bersih, sebelum kejauhan, dan belum terlambat, aku bilang putus. Aku bilang padanya kalau pacaran itu gak ada gunanya, dan aku baru sadar tentang itu. Aku menceritakan tentang siklus kehidupan kepada dia. Secara implisit aku bermaksud menjelaskan bahwa pacaran itu sebenere mendekati zina. Aku gak mau cinta kita kotor. Aku bilang padanya bahwa kita lebih baik biasa aja, berteman aja seperti biasa, tak ada sayng-sayangan. Kalau dia emang sayang ama aku, aku ingin dia menyimpannya buat aku, dan sabar menunggu hingga waktu itu datang, aku pun juga gitu, akan menjaga perasaan ini buat dia. Tapi, aku kecewa ma dia, dia gak ngerti dan gak mau ngerti tentang alasanku. Padahal aku melakukan itu semua, demi kebaikan kita berdua. Dan kita jika emang berjodoh nantinya, kita pasti bener2 bisa mendapatkan kesungguhan cinta yang sebenarnya. Jika kita sama2 yakin dan berdoa, aku yakin kog. Tapi, kalau hal seperti ini hanya bisa dijalankan oleh sepihak, apa gunanya jika yang satu sudah gak mau membantunya untuk menyeimbangkan semua ini. Dia tetap kekeh dengan pendapatnya sendiri, sedangkan aku, aku berusaha meyakinkan dia, tapi dia tetap saja tak mengerti. Aku lelah. Dari dulu, pikiran kita emang gak pernah bisa disatukan. Terus saja kita saling lempar kata.

Dan pada akhirnya, aku mengatakan kata-kata yang mungkin menyakitinya, kalau kita memang harus mengakhirinya. Berat sebenarnya aku mengatakan kata2 “PUTUS”. Tapi apa daya, dia tak mau mengerti, dan aku memutuskan untuk memilih apa yang harus aku pilih sesuai dengan ajaran agama yang aku anut. Aku berharap, suatu hari nanti dia bisa mengerti dan memahaminya. Amin

Aku meminta maaf padanya karena aku tak bisa jadi cewek yang dia mau, mungkin untuk yang terkhir kalinya aku mengatakan padanya kalau aku sayang banget sama dia. Dan dia membalasku bahwa dia juga menyayangi ku. Ya allah….. semoga ini memang yang terbaik buat kita.

SUBHANAALLAH, SEAKAN2 PETUNJUK ITU DATANG

Hari ini adalah hari dimana aku harus melakukan sesuatu untuk memperbaiki diriku ini. Berhari-hari aku merenungkan hal ini, dan aku baru sadar, bahwa aku memang salah. Untuk itulah aku merenung dan berusaha untuk intropeksi diri. Tak hanya renungan yang aku prioritaskan menjadi salah satu cara agar aku terlepas dari masalah galalu ku ini. Disetiap sujudku, aku selalu memanjatkan doa kepada-Nya, memohon petunjuk-Nya, agar aku tak salah dalam hal memilih. Malam hari ini aku merasa lelah, ngantuk bangetttt. Ku ambil buku literal reading dan hendak mengerjakan tugas, itung-itung ngilangi rasa ngantuk. Mulailah aku berlayar diatas kasur, dan belajarlah aku disitu. Waktu masih menunjukkan pukul setengah 9 malam. Tak biasanya aku merasa ngantuk banget jam segitu. Teparlah aku dikasur sambil ngerjakan tugas. Tiba-tiba aku terlelap dalam tidurku. Begitu nyenyaknya aku, sampai-sampai gag terdengar suara-suara celotehan temen-temenku di kamar ramai banget.

Tepat pukul 2.30 dini hari, aku merasa terpanggil oleh suara yang begitu lembut dan kecil banget membisikkanku. Dan bangunlah aku, kurailah mobileku yang ada disamping bantal tidurku dan kulihatlah jam pada tampilan layarnya. Jam menunjukkan perputaran detik dan menitnya, 2.30 dini hari, hampir menunjukkan sepertiga malamnya, waktu paling baik buat kita semua mengerjakan sholat malam. Dengan sadar, aku beranjak dari tempat tidur, dan pergi untuk mengambil wudhu. Ketika aku berwudhlu, entah kenapa air mataku menetes, aku menangis. Aku sendiri gag tahu kenapa. Aku seperti merindukan sang Kholiq, aku merasa bahwa aku terbangun dari tidurku karena memang itu kehendak-Nya. Dia menunjukkan petunjuknya buat ku agar aku bisa mendapatkan ketenangan dan bisa menghadapi masalah ini dengan sabar dan tabah  dengan cara sholat malam ini. Ketika aku hendak membuka pintu kamar dan memasukinya, dan aku berjalan menuju jendela, aku pandangi langit yang bergemerlap karena sinar bintang, tiba-tiba aku mendengar suara adzan. Tapi anehnya, suara itu seperti berasal dari langit, dan sepertinya suara adzan itu hanya terdengar kecil dan lembut sekali ditelingaku. Suara itu kecil seeeekkaalii. Aku merinding, jantungku berdebar kencang. Dan aku mulailah melaksanakan sholat tahajud. Kupanjatkan doa dengan tetesan air mata, mohon ampun serta mohon agar apa yang akan aku lakukan nanti, ini adalah yang terbaik buat kita berdua.

Aku bacalah al-qur’an hingga menjelang fajar. Aku terlelap tidur dengan memakai mukena, dan beralaskan sajadah. Aku bermimpi, bermimpi bersama dia, akan tetapi kita berdua tak saling mengenal satu sama lain, kita tak saling nyapa, tak saling tegur. Aku asyik bermain dengan adikku di taman, sedangkan dia hanya duduk diam di bawah pohon yang rindang. Begitu dekat kita berdua, tapi kenapa kita tak saling mengenal???. Itulah yang aku pikirkan selama ini. Aku berfikir bahwa itu adalah petunjuk buat ku, bahwa memang itulah yang harus aku lakukan demi kebaikan kita berdua.

To be continued……………..

At Last, I Must be Happy ^___^

Since yesterday I didn't concentrate on my study. There are a lot of problems. For one thing is about him. I really want to end our relationship, but I don't know what I should tell him about my reason. Well actually, between us there is no comitment each other. We've never told about our comitment to have this ralationship. And eventually, I don't know why accepted him anymore. Instead of when I've read a book about having relationship. I'm not sure that he will be the real my couple. I'm absolutely not sure. 

I've been just aware that during I still have relationship, it's not useful. He's not better man for me.*__*. I'm so sorry. Perhaps, that's my fault that say I love you. But then, I don't know what I feel. I wanna tell you my reason, but I'm afraid that you can't understand what I mean because your mind is still childist. Perhaps, I am waiting for good time to tell you honestly.

And then......

Hmmmmm..... perhaps, I want to show my parents about some surprises which I'll give them. All members of my family have already got their birthday. First, My father has got his birthday on 27th Jan, and then I have got my birthday on 16th March the same with my brother. And for tomorrow is my mother's birthday and a week later is my sister's birthday. ^__^. Well actually, I have prepared some presents for them all ^__^. Especially for my mother. I'll give a piece of material which is worn for praying ^__*. In the long past, I have planned to give it her, but I didn't still have enough money to buy it. Actually I had, but it wasn't my own money, but it was father's. Because today I have got money myself, finally I just bought it for her. Eventhough that money comes from my schoolarship, it means that it is my salary because of my struggle in my study. ^__^. 

I wanna give it her, because hers is not good to wear. Its colour have been pale and also I want to see my mother looks more beautiful when she wears it ^__^. I chose white colour for her because white is symbol that describe a purity of her affection she alwasys gives me. *__*.

For father, hmmmmmmmm..... I will give him a big package of coffee he likes most. He likes drink coffee very much.^__^ Although he likes it so much, he never drinks it more than a cup of coffee. He really pays attention about his health. ^__^

About my brother, I also give a package of coffee like father, but it's small one than father's. I'll give it which is a bit different that taste is special of Ginseng, because he is not well and he has a trouble with his throat, he can't speak loudly as usual. So, impossible for him to drink the ordinary coffee one, because it will make worse for him.

At last, for my cute little sister, I'll give her a cute small pencil case which its picture is spongebob that she likes very much. ^__^. Well actually, she wants me to give her some ice cream, I don't because it's not good for her. My reason to give her the pencil case is because her desk is always in messy. It's because her things like pens, pencils, erasers, and other things always spread everywhere, so messy..... sometimes she is not only confused to look for her things, but also she forgets where she put them actually. So, by giving the pencil case, she will understand that she should put all of those in it and neatly. ^__^

Now.....

I have wrapped the presents beautifully very much and all has been already to give them. I wish they are happy with my surprised and I'm going home tomorrow ^__^.

I AM COMING, DAD & MOM.... ^___^

Berusaha Memilih Yang Terbaik

Setelah gue baca buku tentang pacaran, gue jadi mikir 2x dech mau pacaran, well actually, pacaran itu emang dilarang ma ajaran islam, and ada yang nyaranin, pacaran secara islami aja. Nah, that's the point, sebenarnya pacaran secara islami itu ada enggak sih?????

Kemaren, temen gue ngejelasin yang namanya SIKLUS KEHIDUPAN. Siklus itu intinya mengupas and membahas tentang, apa sih sebenarnya tujuan kita "berpacaran?" just for having fun or for your future (pernikahan). Temen gue tanyak ke gue, apa sih tujuan loe pacaran? and gue gak bisa jawab, for having fun... enggak juga, pernikahan juga enggak, secara gue belum kepikiran sejauh itu. Masa depan gue masih panjang, and gue enggak mau buru-buru nikah dulu. Terus alasan gue pacaran, gue bener-bener gak punya ide buat ngasih alasan yang logis gitu. Bingung gue......

Nah, temen gue melanjutkan penjelasannya. Dia sayang ke gue, mangkanya dia rela2in ngomong panjang lebar sampai bibirnya ndoweh. Temen gue nanyak ke gue, target gue nikah umur berapa, gue jawab, yaaaa..... kalau dapat jodoh, yaaa ggue nikah pastinya. Temen gue agak sebel ma gue, soalnya jawaban gue kurang memuaskan dia kaleeee.... nah giman lagi, that's my answer. *__*. "Aduhhhh...Fitri, loe gimana sih, jawab dunk yang bener, wes tha, berapa gitu dikira-kira, yaaa wes, diumpamain 25 wes yach" kata temen gue. "iya dach terserah." jawab gue. Temen gue ngomong lagi "umur loe karang 19 tahun kan. Nah 19 thn ke 25 selisih 6 tahun. Selama 6 tahun itu loe pacaran ma ujub loe, habis itu loe nikah. Loe dapat apa coba? Loe gak bosen apa, secara 6 tahun loe udah bersama dia. Intinya pas ntr loe nikah, loe enggak bakalan dapat surprise gitu lohh. Bakal biasa2 aja, loe bakal bosen. Itu kata guru agama gue". Nah dari situ gue mikir, emang betul apa yang dia bilang, cuman gue nyanggah pendapat dia. Gue jawab gini "Tapi gue pacaran gag saling sentuh2n, pegangan tangan aja enggak pernah apa lagi yang lebih dari itu, sama sekali gue kalau pacaran tetep jaga jarak ma ujub gue. Nah kalau konteks-nya kayak gitu giman?". Temen gue bingung mau jawab pertanyaan gue itu. "nah loe bingung kan???" jawab gue.

Temen gue ngjawab, "Fitri, intinya, kalau dia emang sayang ma kamu, udah gag usah pacaran, tapi dia harus datang ke kamu ketika kamu umur 25 nanti, dan minta kamu". Gue tercengang. That's good answer. ^__^ . Dia tetep enggak bisa jawab. 

Seperti biasa, gue kalau galau seperti ini gue curcol ke Ebes gue. Gue ceritain masalah gue itu. Gue tanyak ke beliau "Pak sebenarnya pacaran itu boleh enggak ce?  and pacaran secara islami itu ada enggak sih pak???". "Yang namanya pacaran nak pasti ujung2nya mendekati zina. Di dalam agama islam itu gak ada yang namanya pacaran itu dihalalkan. Yang ada pacaran halal itu kalau sudah jadi muhrimnya, Nak. Kalau pacaran secara islami itu, menurut bapak, pacaran yang dihalalkan oleh ajaran islam, yaitu pacaran dengan lawan jenis yang bener2 muhrimnya. Bapak sih nyarankan, jika kamu mencintai lawan jenismu, alangkah baiknya kamu jangan mengatakan cinta padanya, pendamlah. Tabung rasa cintamu itu buat lawan jenis mu itu. Ngerti kan ibarat "MENABUNG". Lama2 kan menjadi melimpah. Setelah kamu menikah nanti, baru kamu ambil tabunganmu itu dan kamu berikan kepada orang yang kamu sayangi. Rasanya akan berbeda Nak, pasti akan indah pada waktunya. Kalau pacaran setelah nikah, gak ada yang namanya melakukan ini itu dilarang, malah kamu akan mendapatkan pahala ketika kamu bermesrah2an dengan pasanganmu. Jadi intinya, sabaaarrr. Allah sudah menciptakan manusia dengan pasangan"nya. Untuk sekarang alangkah baiknya kalau kamu itu berteman dengan siapapun. Bapak tahu kalau gaya pacaran kamu, tapi tetep aja, bahaya buat diri kamu Nak. Kalau kamu ikut saran bapak, lihatlah suatu saat nanti, kamu akan bener2 melihat dan merasakan yang namanya indahnya cinta sesungguhnya". Itu semua penjelasan dari bokap gue. Gue jadi mikir 2x untuk melanjutkan hubungan gue ma ujub gue. 

to be continued, tunggu cerita selanjutnya

untitled written

I've ever joined in the Motivation Training. First, I felt that it would be interesting, but it seemed absolutely not interesting. The first speaker who gave a summary wasn't good speaker, I feel bored and sleepy. I thought that he couldn't make nice situation when he spoke. He couldn't make me interested to him. His motivation word wasn't interesting.

But the second speaker was very exited. He was so cute and wise man, eventhough he was fat person. He looked like my father also. ^__^ but my father more handsome than him,of course. ^__^.

And the last speaker was absolutely atractived. He was the real motivator I thought. The way of motivating me was so different from both of them. First, he asked me to write an answer for his question. The question was describe about myself. He asked me to arrange some of animals from which I like most. It was about my motivation power. and my answer was:

1. Cow

2. Sheep

3. Horse

4. Tiger

5. Pig

it meant that my first motivation power is Career, second is Love, third is my family, fourth and fifth is myself and money.

Second, He asked me to describe animals he gave to me, by my own word and what I know about those animals. Here they are;

1. Dog

2. Cat

3. Mouse

4. Coffee

5. Sea

what I had to do is to describe those animals with my own words. what are those.

my answers was;

1. dog = disgusting, moody

2. cat = funny, cute, and pleasant

3. mouse = disgusting

4. coffee = delicious

5. sea = beautiful, n make me happy ^__^

it meant that all of those description was dog (describe about myself, so I'm disgusting n moody, n course, I disagree *_* ), cat ( describing of my couple, so he is funny, cute n pleasant, #oke fine), mouse (describing of my threatened, absolutely *YESSSS*), coffee (describing of the meaning of seks for me, and course I'm not like that. *__*), sea (describing of my life that my life is beautiful n make me happy, amin ^___^)

Third, he also asked me to describe about colours but it wasn't really describing. He just asked me to whom that colours will I give? especially to everyone who I know. Here are those colours;

--yellow

--orange

--red

--white

--green

and I would give yellow to my roommate (Irning and Eni), orange is to (putri, my little sister), red is to Krisna (my older brother), white is to my parents, green is to mas jeffry, I don't know why him?

it meant that yellow is describing of a person who I never forget, so Irning n Eni are my friend who I never forget.

orange is describing of a person like a best friend, so my little sister can be my best friend also besides my sister ^__^

red is describing of a person who I love so much, so my older brother is a person who I love, and 50% true because he is my brother.

white is describing of a person who have a character, feelings which is similiar to my heart and that's my parents ^__^

green is describing of a person who I always remebered forever and he is mas jeffry. *__* and that's 50% true. oh nooooo.......... 

so,, the third thing is about who I love who is very important for me and those are my answers. You can try those, guys........... ^__^